Brucey, say it ain’t so…

You know things are taken a turn for the worse when Mrs Dealer decides to weigh in on a given subject or four.

This week, the usually serene Mrs Dealer has been faced with numerous quandaries that have merited her input. First up was culture secretary Maria Miller, her expenses and whole political debacle that goes with it. Firstly, the ire of Mrs Dealer was raised when the lady in question was brought to book by the Commons Committee on Standards.

She stood up, apologised and planned to sweep the whole mess under the carpet. Mrs Dealer, never one to shy away from an opinion or two, decided that while the culture secretary is no angel, she is in Rome and ‘will do as the Romans do’.

The second straw was Noah and the film industry’s belief that it can juggle the script and rearrange the backdrop enough for Russell Crowe to play himself again without too many people noticing, or caring.

“From Romper Stomper to LA Confidential to Gladiator to the Dutch-sounding Robin van der Hood,” declared Mrs Dealer, “he broods, fights and pays the penalty before redemption…how is being Noah going to be any different?”

I think I’ve seen LA Confidential but it usually blurs into that film about the talking pig that becomes a sheep dog…or is that LA Confidential…

Anyway, Mrs Dealer still has enough in the system to withstand the media’s preoccupation with a myopic one-trick convicted pony that has just realised sticking pins in his eyes hurt.

Mrs Dealer remains unconvinced that Joseph Barton’s journey from hoodlum to angel is more interesting than watching hot water turn to tea with the help of a bag with leaves in.

“Cut and pasting quotes by Friedrich Nietzsche doesn’t make you Jean-Paul Sartre with a cultured right-hook,” she proclaims before putting on a strange accent. “’God is dead so I punched him twice, M’Lud…’”  

However, all this paled into insignificance when it was announced that Sir Lord Bruce Forsyth OBE is to step down from Strictly Come Dancing.

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…”